Awaking Emotion & Passion!

As a defiant teenager I'd shut myself in my bedroom, every now and then, for a couple hours at a time and nothing could remove me from that room. Would I be venting in my journal? Listening to noisy music? Going through my wardrobe picking out my outfits for the rest of the week? Browsing through Teen magazines?

No, I'd place one of my favorite CD's into my stereo and let the speakers blare the melodic music from the full production of the Phantom of the Opera. I would sing along, listen intently, be moved, and maybe cry.

I decided to share this secret love affair of mine with the kids today. We made some popcorn, sat on the living room floor and pushed play. For the first half hour Tyra couldn't seem to refrain from asking, "Why isn't there a movie for it?" or "Are we going to sit here the whole time?" But as the musical play went on and I continually verbalized the story behind all the singing they grew increasingly interested.

When Christine visits her fathers grave and sings of wishing he was somehow there again I found Tyra wiping a multitude of tears from her eyes. I worried if I had over loaded her senses. But we didn't give up and listened to the whole production - which is almost 2 hours long.

In the final scene the Phantom, Christine and Raoul are in the Phantoms hideout and are singing simultaneously, yet in perfect intervals, expressing their most intensely heartfelt feelings and desires. The Phantom is upset and is demanding Christine to make a choice between the Phantom or Raoul. If she chooses Raoul he'll kill him. Yet, if she chooses the Phantom she'll live a life full of twisted darkness. Christine is singing to the Phantom about how he has deceived her and Raoul is apologetically singing to Christine for putting her in this predicament by coming to the Phantoms lair.

All quiets down and Christine's clear voice sings the words "...God give me strength" and she kisses this hapless Phantom character, whose whole life was filled with ugliness, darkness and unkindness though, secretly, he always yearned for beauty and love. This act of love weakens his frame and he collapses to the ground.

The mob, who are out searching for the Phantom to put an end to his life, are heard coming closer in the background. The Phantom, with sudden change of heart, tells Christine and Raoul to leave and forget about him, with a soft tone in his voice. They hesitate as they don't know quite what to do. Only when the Phantom raises his voice and cries, "Leave me!" do they obey him and run away together.

All music stills and a simple musical box lightly tinkles the silvery tune to the Masquerade song, "...hide your face so the world will never know you..." In the background the Phantom hears Christine and Raoul making promises of love and commitment to one another...knowing he'll never be a part of this loving relationship he's allowed to take place.

Ty and I were both crying. Tears streaming, emotions going, hearts aching. As I discussed with Tyra the emotions we had felt, I wondered some things...

I wondered if there aren't enough people on the Earth willing to feel. I wondered if too many hearts are closed, numb, distracted, or hardened - hindering the ability to feel emotion. I wondered at the amount of emotion, energy, enthusiasm, and awareness that would arise and thrive in the core of all people if everyone took the time to continually experience a classic play, book, musical, or expression of art.

Emotions arouse dormant personal passions. Those charged passions naturally turn into self-motivation which is used towards fulfilling good purposes for each of our individual mission(s) on this earth.

Let's add more choice events in our life that create emotions which bring about productive results!

Lifelong Course to Excellence

I am constantly tuning and tweaking my character to fit who I want to be, who I know I should be and who I know I can be. This constant effort can be overwhelming but by taking on a more optimistic view I have recognized a "love for life and it's challenges and pleasures."

Pres Hinckley said, "My life has been rich because it has been filled with problems to solve and associations to savor." I'd like to adopt his outlook into my own life. There is someone whom I know the Lord needs me to be. By taking the arduous path to become that person, I know I can bless the lives of those in my realm of influence. Be it my family, friends or strangers - it'll be worth every step.

Pres. Hinckley also said, "We are in a constant search for excellence. That search must be continuous and never-ending. It must be consuming and unrelenting. As a nation and as a people, we will not rise to a position of excellence before the world until we have begun to restore and rebuild a foundation of moral, ethical, and spiritual strength."

What do we feel driven to improve? Heavenly Father has a path of improvement ready for all of us. Whether it be a book we are lead to read, a talk we feel inspired to listen to, a value we feel the need to focus and improve upon or a person we need to accept into our life.

By simply listening to the spirit and taking the subtle guidances He gives us, we'll continue on our lifelong progression to excellence.

Back in the game!

Phew! I took a dip there for a moment but I feel that I'm back in the game. As a good friend of mine says, "There is no looking back....Onward and upward!" And that's just where I intend to go.

What a great sister!

I asked Ty if she'd watch Millie for a minute while I did something. When I went back downstairs I saw Tyra in the "craft closet". I thought she had decided to ditch having to take care of Millie but instead, to my pleasant surprise, Tyra told me that her and Millie were making crafts together. It was cute to find them like this.

Successfully Healthy Day

I made my first successful loaf of bread today! It's even approved by ETHAN!!! John and I had to laugh earlier today when the kids asked for granola and flax seeds as snacks. I don't mind the kids snacking on food like that!

Needed Comfort

My life is but a weaving between God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily,
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.

Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand,
As the threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.
-Anonymous
(From the book, "Tramp for the Lord" by Corrie Ten Boom)

I will always doubt my ability to homeschool my children or doubt my ability to do many great things I feel driven to do. But I need to remember the answers I receive and go forward with faith.

As the poem says, I need to remember that the Lord has the upper and I the underside.

Homeschool bit

How much indecent and inappropriate exposure do our children need in order to have experienced a "healthy" dose of the worlds filth so they can turn out to be "decent" and "normal" people?

Is that a real question or are our minds slightly distorted to make it seem like a sensible inquiry?

My visiting teachers came over today. I always enjoy a visit from them. Today we touched on the homeschooling subject. One of the sisters said that once her eldest daughter is old enough to enter junior high she's going to homeschool her. The other sister expressed her disdain at the crud her son is witnessing at his junior high school. There are girls kissing girls in the hallway. Swearing. Fighting. Lying. Stealing. Cheating. Immodesty. Drugs. Sex.....I'm sure the list goes on.

But then she also talks about a child she knows who is homeschooled. This child is nine years old, she doesn't know how to read, and she's socially backward. (***)

So, which path am I choosing here and is there a pleasing balance between the two? For us, there will have to be.

The world is smudged in filth everywhere we go, and it'll be so throughout my children's entire lifespan, so they'll get their dose of filth and moral corruption which will give them sufficient opportunities to exercise their core beliefs and bolster their character.

Creating a love of learning in their hearts, always learning and understanding new things myself, supplying them with a plethora of educational materials we can work on together (or they can work on individually), reading and learning from the greatest thoughts and trials of humankind through scriptures and classics along with many other things will supply them with necessary academical and liberal education.

I'll admit, hearing about homeschooled children who are struggling does worry me. Will my children turn out to be that "type"? Will they be uneducated? Socially backward? "Protected" from the world? Lacking common sense? I'd like to think not with all the worry, concern, concentrated effort and energy I put into homeschooling my children. But, it's so easy to doubt my decision when other peoples doubts and lack of information slip into my consciousness.

Do I think everyone should be homeschooling their children? No. Do I think more people should? I'm not sure. Do I want my children to go to college? Yes. Do I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing for my children? Yes. It was a hard decision to make but the spirit has never given me a more absolute and prolonged answer as it did, a while ago, in response to my doubting our decision to home school, letting me know that this is unmistakably what we should be doing.

It's not the workbooks, the "inspire instead of require", the healthy doses of learning, the teaching and practicing of values, that stress me. Just plain worrying is the hardest issue I face with homeschooling. But, what loving and devoted parent doesn't worry?

(***) I don't believe in the socially backward issue so I asked my visiting teacher, "What's the mom like?" "Psycho" she answered. Here's what I believe - if the child's parents are socially backward more than likely the child will be too. I believe that if school really is the most dominant place children learn social skills all of them would know how to associate only with children their own age and have little or no ability to associate with adults...is this becoming the case anyway?

Most young mothers I talk to have considered or do consider homeschooling their children.

To home-school or not to home-school...either choice is reasonably extreme.

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Tyra and Ethan's friends came over for a Martin Luther King activity at our house. It was lots of fun. Most of them stayed for 3 hours! We had a neat discussion and role play about slavery, we spoke of Martin Luther King, worked together on a couple worksheets where we came up with words to describe Martin Luther King, we discussed what difference each of us would like to make in this world, we ate cookies, the kids dressed up (the girls wore princess dresses while the boys armed themselves with weapons) and they all chased each other around. We ended by having lunch together and watched 15 minutes of a movie.

I can't wait to get together like this again!